"When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

"I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?"

Which is a sampling from the annonymously-penned "Why Can't I Own a Canadian?," archived at the Humanists of Utah's website. (Holy-rollers Batman! There are humanists in Utah? Quick--somebody organize a rescue mission!)